And life turns.

I have a serious habit of blogging a few times, stopping for a year and then deciding I want to start again.  So.. lets try this one more time......

Why is this time different you ask? Well.... my perspective on life has completely changed after this summer.  I lost one of the closest and most important people in my life. I've lost loved ones before, but never quite like this.  To completely understand the story... I am going to have to give you a little background...

I was adopted at one day old, by an incredible and loving family. Later in life, I reconnected with my birth family and it was one of the biggest emotional roller coasters of my life.  An insane roller coaster, that I have not nor will never regret. I have had a solid relationship with them for four years now. I felt an instant connection with all of them, but especially with my Mimi.  The first time I met her, it was like I had known her my entire life.  We had this instant mutual understanding of each-other, and I knew from that moment that she loved me. Her loving me however was only half of the incredible part, I accepted her love.  This is a rare thing for me. I do not trust easily, but it was impossible not to trust her.

But this summer, June 24, my sister called me at 4am to give me the news. We had lost her to stage four lung cancer.

The first month after this happened I could hardly sleep or even function properly. I let very few people completely into my life.  There are very few that know all the dirty details and she was one of them, and I lost her.

However, with such a precious life leaving this world, I have suddenly found a new motivation for life. I have noticed myself making more of an effort to succeed and to let people in.  I have even started eating healthier and exercising. I have started actually listening and being fully engaged in conversations, and am becoming better at living in the moment instead of dreaming of the future because loosing her, made me realize how precious life really is. And as far as earth goes... we only get one.

After finally being able to sit down and reflect on this, I began to fully understand Romans 8:28

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  

God did not promise us that life would be perfect, he actually tells us that there will be hardships and suffering.  We will struggle.  We will fall down. We will fail. We will sin.  We will hurt others. We will lie.  We will cheat, We will make mistakes. We will have regrets.  But we will not lose, because the battle has already been won.