I decided to repost a few of my blogs from while I was in Africa! This one is from Malawi, Africa on Febuary 5th 2013.
The night of February 2nd, at midnight, I gained full
freedom.
I had been letting events in my past get to me and bring me
down, and as a result I was not allowing God to fully enter my heart. At about
11:30 on February 1st I woke up screaming in my sleep, holding my
leader Los (Laurens) hand, panting and crying uncontrollably. It was in that
moment I realized that I could not live like this anymore. My past, joined by
the pasts of some of the people closest to me had been haunting me for to
long.
Once I had settled Lo ran and grabbed the rest of the girls on my
team and they prayed over me for a while. And finally, right after midnight, I
received the love; forgiveness and grace the Lord had been waiting for me to
take. I finally let go of the guilt and let God handle it. It is finally
over.
I broke that night, in a way I never thought I could. The Holy
Spirit entered into me in a way I never knew possible. That night not only did
I receive freedom, but God blessed me with a incredible gift.
Lo had
her hand on me and had been praying over me in tongues when I gained freedom,
and I understood her. Clear as day. It felt like electricity flowing from her
to me. It took me a few minutes to
register what was happening. I listened intently as she cast out the demon
of fear, and poured in me the spirit of hope. She cast out the demons of
self-doubt and poured in me the spirit of confidence. She cast out the demons
of self-hatred and guilt and poured in the spirit of love. I was completely
blown away.
I had heard tongues many times throughout my life,
especially on AIM trips; I had even spoken in tongues a few times. But
understanding it? This was a first. It continued to happen throughout the next
week. I finally broke down and told Lo. She had been praying for a while for
someone to be able to interpret. Funny how that works huh? After hearing Lo a
good four times that week, I also was blessed enough to be able to understand my
other leader Ross as he prayed in tongues. I am not quite sure how the Lord is
going to use this yet, but I have no doubt that He is going to use
it.
It all happened so quickly; it was like the Lord had been waiting
for me for a while. I thought that my heart was all in before, but looking back
I realize I was one foot in and one foot out. I was so afraid of being broken,
but now that I am, I realized how much beauty
and freedom there is in the breaking. It hurt, I won’t lie. Quite easily one of
the most spiritually painful experiences I have ever had, but at the same time,
it was so beautiful. I was made new.
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