Acceptance

I realized a few days ago, that I had stopped blogging.  Although, it took me a few days to "refind" my blog because I was hesitant to see how long it had been.

It has been almost a year.

So, I decided to start writing again.

So much has happened in the past year, including taking a four month trip through Africa. It changed my heart, it grew me as a person, and I will never be the same. How could I be?
I returned home in May, and my heart as not stopped longing for africa. I long to walk out of the front gate in Malawi, and see dozens of children standing there anxiously waiting for us to come play with them. I long to hold my sweet angel Ana in Tanzania, and I long to sit through a four hour church service in Uganda, where people are so moved by the spirit that they are dancing while holding Bibles and chairs on their heads. I long for cold showers, squatty pottys, sleeping in my tent, morning Bible Study with my team. I long for Africa.
And I find myself saying all too often "I want my life back.  God, can I please have my life back?"

I have come to terms with the fact that it will never be the same. Even if God leads me back to Africa one day, I wont be going with the same people, I might not be in the same places, and my experience will be completly different. I can not turn back the clock, no matter how much I wish I could.

So, for now, I am here, in college, and at this moment I should be writing a paper. But, that does not seem appealing right now.  I struggle every morning, waking up and having to realize all over again that I am not in Africa.

But there has to be a reason right?

It hit me a few weeks ago. This is a part of Gods plan. He has me here right now for a reason.  A reason I am not sure of right now, but a reason none the less. 

If I was really supposed to be in Africa right now, I would be.

So, my theme for this next season of my life is acceptence.  Not only accepting where I am at, but who I am.  Accepting that things might not always turn out the way I want them to, and that that is a beautiful thing. After all, if life was the way I wanted it to be, I would never be able to learn and grow. 


However, as soon as I accepted that God was where He wants me right now, I recived an incredible opportunity to travel to Guatemala in ten days for my fall break! Isnt it funny, how if we just let go and give God control, he grants us the desires of our hearts.

 Such a beautiful thing.